I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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