just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
