hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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