I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
