some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
This is my gift to your gina
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
