Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
