good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
