I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
