New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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