He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
