omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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