Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize