he wants to bone in the snuggie
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
do nipples grow back?
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