Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
