Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
