my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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