the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
