tell your sister to shave her snatch
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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