There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
