and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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