I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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