I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Randomize
