:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
