We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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