Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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