Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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