I just saw a hot homeless man
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
