i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
