we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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