Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
