Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
