marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
