Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
