my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize