She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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