Rock
Scissors
Fuck
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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