Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
