I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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