i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
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