i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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