if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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