i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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