Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
