I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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