when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
