Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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