I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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