If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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