so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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