I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
