I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
