Nicole vs. Life
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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