So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just blew my weed a kiss
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
