Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
