it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
