I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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