She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
