I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
