It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Text me some of your sweat
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
