i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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