are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Randomize
