I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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