I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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