We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I got her a Nickelback box set.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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