Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
