My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
