Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I cut my penus on the lid.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
