The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
