You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
