Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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